Chinese Stories in English
7. Meeting, The
8. Repay Kindness
9. She Wants Money
10. Swimmer, The
4. Looking for a Meal
5. Making Sure
6. Matchmaking
1. Boy Eats Dinner, A
2. Can't Do Without
3. Getting a Filling
11. Terrifying Test
12. 'Twas Ever Thus
13. You're Like My Wife
Jokes from 故事会 Stories Magazine, Page 2
1. Boy Eats Dinner
by Huang Peilei
The little boy was always naughty at meals. When his mother told him to sit still and eat, he gave her a look and said, "I don't like any of this stuff. I won't eat it." He stood up to leave the table.
This made his mother very angry. When the boy saw her face turning red, he ran all the way around the table. "I just have to come at it from this side," he said. "Then I like it."
故事会, 2012, 10 月, 下半月, 第7页, October 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 7
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2. Can’t Do Without You
By Zhang Han
A young boy was extremely mischievous and got poor grades in school. He was always getting in trouble, so his mother decided to scare him straight. She said she would arrange for him to change schools.
The next day when the boy told his classmates about it, a pretty young girl told him not to change schools. “Later I’ll go home with you,” she said, sniffling, “and beg your mom to change her mind.”
Seeing that the girl couldn’t bear to part with him, the boy thumped his chest and promised, “I’ll come back to visit you guys.”
Still crying, the girl said, “Don’t get the wrong idea. The reason I don’t want you to go is because then I’ll be the worst student in the class!”
故事会, 2012, 9 月, 下半月, 第6页, September 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 6
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3. Getting a Filling
by Wu Benhui
Old Wang went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. When it was done he discovered he hadn't brought any money with him. Quite discomfited, he had no choice but to explain his situation to the dentist.
The dentist stared blankly at Old Wang for a moment, then waived his hand and said, "No problem, you can send me the money anytime. Come on, open up, I want to check something else." He fiddled around in Old Wang's mouth a bit more.
When he got home, Old Wang opened his mouth to show off the tooth he'd just had filled to his wife. He also told her how generous the dentist had been.
His wife took a look and exclaimed in surprise, "Where's your two gold teeth?"
2012, 10 月, 下半月, 第5页,October 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 5
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4. Looking for a Restaurant
by Liu Ling
A salesman was visiting a small city on business and noticed that many little shops didn't have rest rooms. It was very inconvenient. One day he looked a long time before finding a restaurant that was a bit larger than the others. "Do you have a rest room here?" he asked the waiter.
"Yes, we do," the waiter replied.
"That's great," the salesman said excitedly. "I'll eat here, then."
故事会, 2012, 10 月, 下半月, 第6页, October 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 6
[Fannyi wonders why anyone would consider this funny.]
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5. Making Sure
by Yu Juan
A woman constantly suspected her husband of sneaking out on her. She was worried that he was having an affair. Once, when he was supposed to be in a meeting, she sent a note to the meeting’s moderator. The moderator took the note up to the microphone and read it to the audience. “Will Mr. XX please go home immediately? There’s an emergency!”
A man stood up quickly and started to leave. Then the door opened and a woman’s voice resounded through the hall. “OK, sit back down. I just wanted to see if you were really here.”
故事会, 2012, 10 月, 下半月, 第4页, October 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 4
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6. Matchmaking
by Zhou Guangqing
The company cleaning lady enjoyed being a matchmaker. One day she met a fellow in the office who had always been unlucky in love. “What kind of girls do you like, young man?” she asked, completely sympathetic. “I’ll introduce you to one.”
The fellow shook his head. “I’m not sure,” he said.
The cleaning lady held her breath for a long moment, then continued questioning him. “Well, think about it for a minute. The girls you’ve liked, what did they have in common?”
The young man thought and thought. “I’ve liked a lot of girls,” he said dejectedly. “What they all had in common was, they didn’t like me.”
故事会, 2012, 10 月, 下半月, 第4页, October 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 4
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7. The Meeting
by Chen Qi
Three hours into the Residents Committee meeting, the President was still giving an interminable speech. A middle-aged woman got up to leave, but the President hastily asked her: “What are you going for? The meeting isn’t over yet!”
“I can’t wait for the meeting to end, I’ve got kids at home,” the woman answered, and then left the room in a huff.
Twenty minutes later, a young woman got up to leave.
The President blurted, “Don’t move,” to prevent her from leaving. Then he lashed out at her, saying: “What are you leaving for? You don’t have any children at home!”
“And if spend all my time here in a meeting,” the woman fired back, “I never will!”
故事会, 2012, 9 月, 下半月, 第5页, September 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 5
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8. To Repay Teacher's Kindness
by Xie Ke
The young woman, a teacher, wore a rather funny-looking hat. When her student saw it he laughed and said, "Teacher, your hat is too clownish. You should take it off right now."
When the teacher heard that, she said grimly, "Then you need to study hard, so later you can make a lot of money and buy your teacher a pretty hat, OK?"
"No way!" the student said without thinking, shaking his head to reject the idea. But when he saw that the teacher felt bad, he patted his chest and made a promise: "When I make a lot of money, I'll take you straight to Korea to get a pretty face…."
[The Chinese consider Korean plastic surgeons to be first-class – Fannyi]
故事会, 2013, 5 月, 下半月, 第92页, May 2013, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 5
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9. She Wants Money
By Zhang Miao
A young girl came home from school and asked her mother for five thousand Yuan. Her mother was taken aback and straightaway asked what she wanted so much money for.
“I want to buy a computer,” the daughter answered.
The mother questioned her daughter closely as to why she suddenly wanted to buy a computer.
“I picked up a pretty mouse pad yesterday,” the daughter said, “so I thought I’d get a computer to go along with it.”
故事会, 2012, 9 月, 下半月, 第4页, September 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 4
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10. The Swimmer
by Du Cong
A man was wandering around in the Sahara Desert in a swimsuit. An Arab stared at him curiously and remarked how strange it was to be wearing swimming trunks in the desert.
“You’re curious why I’m wearing a swimsuit?” the man asked. “Why, I’m going swimming, of course.”
“This place here is 800 nautical miles from the ocean, you know,” the Arab warned him.
“My goodness,” The man exclaimed happily. “What a big beach!”
故事会, 2012, 10 月, 下半月, 第4页, October 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 4
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11. Terrifying Test
by Zhang Hua
A little girl went to the hospital to see a doctor, and the doctor sent her to get a blood test. The little girl started crying from fright.
A little boy beside her saw her crying and hurried to say some comforting words to get her to stop.
The little girl wasn't grateful at all. They'll stick my finger with a needle to take blood," she half cried and half shouted. "I don't want them to stick my finger!"
The little boy was taken aback when he heard that. He plopped his butt down on the floor and started wailing. He was crying even more loudly than the little girl.
The little girl stopped crying. "Are you getting a blood test, too?" she asked.
"No," the little boy said between sobs. "I, I'm getting a urine test!"
故事会, 2013, 5 月, 下半月, 第92页, May 2013, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 5
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12. 'Twas Ever Thus
by Zhang Li
Young Ming was preparing for the civil service exam and often pulled all-nighters. His roommate noticed and couldn't control his curiosity: "What kinds of things do they test for on the civil service exam?"
"Astronomy, geography, humanities, history, stuff like that," little Young Ming answered.
The roommate shook his head when he heard that, indicating he didn't believe it.
Young Ming explained a little further. "Think about it. A lot of civil servants chat with each other while they're on the job. If you don't have a broad base of knowledge, who'll want to chat with you, eh?"
故事会, 2013, 5 月, 下半月, 第4页May 2013, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 4
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13. You're Really Like My Wife
by Yu Changsheng
A drunk staggered out of one bar and into another, where he noticed a woman sitting in the corner. He went over and gave her a kiss, catching her completely off guard.
The woman jumped up and slapped him savagely.
The drunk seemed surprised. "Sorry," he apologized, "I thought you were my wife. You look just like her."
"You bloody drunk!" the woman shrieked.
"And you curse just like she does, too," the drunk mumbled to himself.
故事会, 2012, 10 月, 下半月, 第4页, October 2012, 2nd Semimonthly Issue, p. 5
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